Is it permissible for me to marry without the permission of my father who stops me from getting married?

Is it permissible for me to marry without the permission of my father who stops me from getting married?
Question Number: 7298

Peace be upon you and Allah’s mercy and blessings, may Allah bless you I want to address my question to Sheikh Abul-Mundhir As-Shinqitee and it is very very urgent today before tomorrow, a young man proposed to me with the intention of taking me to seek knowledge for a short period and then go for jihad, my father refused it without informing me of it, is it permissible for me to marry without his permission since he follows the ideology of Enahadah, the Muslim Brotherhood, and evidence has been established for him regarding the issue……….. ………………………………. How do I do and I an determined on this issue? Do I entrust a better person to hand me out in marriage like my uncle or cousin if he is a righteous man?
The young man is in a hurry, is it permissible for me also to accept the aqd before collecting the dowry?
For Allah’s sake answer me once my question gets to Sheikh or link me to other means of connecting with him like phone, or give me his address! It is very very urgent and I want him to respond to  this matter.

Questioner: Tunisian Muslimah

In the name of Allah the Merciful Praise be to Allah and peace and blessings on the Holy Prophet and his family and companions.
Dear sister: We apologize for the delay in answering, and sorry also for not being possible to communicate for several reasons.
As long as this young man whom you would like to marry is committed to Islam and upright, it is not permissible for your father to prevent you from marrying him, Allah has forbidden the woman’s guardian from Clinging to her, which means preventing her from marrying. He says:

{…and do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands If they mutualy agree on reasonable basis. This is an admonition for him among you who believes in Allah and the Last Day That is more virtuous for you and purer, and Allah knows and you do not know}

[Baqarah: 232].

Ibn Qudamah said:
“What is meant by ‘Adl’ is to stop her if she is requested, and while both of them are interested in each other”.

And parents who reject those who request for their daughters, sisters or those under their control .. Those parents are considered unjust, criminals, and traitors to the trust that Allah placed on them ..
He, may peace be upon him said:

“you are all shepherds and each of you is responsible for his flock.”

And surely when a woman is barred from marrying she becomes liable to corrupting and being corrupted and tempting and being tempted
In some cases she might have reached the age of spinsterhood and yet being deprived of husband and child, as it has happened and is still happening so much!
She will be an opponent to her guardian, who prevented her from marriage on the Day of Resurrection

{That day shall a man flee from his brother and his mother and father, and his wife and children, each one of them that day will have enough to make him careless of others}.

[Suuratu Abasa aayah 34-37]

Prevention of women from marriage is the opposite of what was ordered by the Shariah which is rushing to marry her out and to quickly release her.
From Ali bin Abi Talib that the Prophet – peace be upon him – said to him:

«do not delay three things: Prayer, the Corpse and the woman If a qualified man is found for her.

[Narrated by al-Tirmidhi who said: This hadith is Ghareeb Hassan].

And Omar ibn al-Khattab said:

“marry out your children, if they have attained maturity and do not bear responsibility for their sins”
[mentioned by Ibn al-Jawzee in Ahkaamu Nisaai].

It is therefore necessary for parents to fear Allah Almighty, and not to prevent women from marriage in which there is chastity for them and prevention from Fitnah. And they should not prevent them from marrying the suitorss they are pleased with if they are people of religion and manners because they are qualified for them, and the people of knowledge have interpreted ‘qualified’ as: “he should not be a criminal or immoral.”
As for a person of religion and manners, it is not permissible to reject him or to prevent women from marrying him, because of the corruption that might result from that.
He, peace be upon him said:

“If a man with whose religion and manners you are pleased proposes to your daughter, marry her to him, if not there would be so much fitnah on the earth, and broad corruption”

[Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and others].

Mubaarakpuri commented on this hadith- in his commentary on Tirmidhi-:

“and the broad corruption” means tremendous corruption, so if you do not marry except to rich men or men of prestige, many of your women would remain without husbands, and more of your men without wives and there would be more temptation to adultery, and possibly causing shame to parents and it would arouse fitnah and corruption and cause break in lineage, and lead to absence of goodness and chastity).

Almighty Allah has made the guardian to be a trust over a woman to prevent her from the mixing with the people of corruption and marry her to somebody who appears to be of good manners and righteousness. He therefore serves the role of a  doorman who stands at the door in the institutions to open it for workers and staff and close it for thieves and strangers. Had the doorman opened the door to thieves and prevent employees from entering, will this institution survive?!

Many tribulations and rampant corruption are caused by preventing women from marrying qualified men. preventing a woman from marrying a man of religion and manners is an injustice to her because it prevents her from marrying somebody she is pleased with. And it is also an  injustice to this man who was prevented from marrying the good woman that he liked. And in this is a blatant violation of the command of the Prophet peace be upon him.

Ibn Rushd reported the consensus of the scholars that the guardian is not allowed to prevent her from marriage, he said:

“They agreed that the guardian has no right to prevent her from a competent man.” And the guardian by preventing the man and insisting on his refusal, he becomes an evildoer and his fairness is rejected and what is famous from the madhab of Imam Ahmad is that he is not fit to be an Imam in prayer due to the greatness of his crime. If his fairness is rejected,his guardianship is also rejected ..

The scholars differed: Do we transfer the guardianship to the next person directly, or pass it to the authority or judge? There is no doubt it should be transfered to the next person if there is no legitimate Imam or a judge who rules by the Shariah. Except if the Muslims have a person of knowledge among them who judges between them by the Sharia then, he is like a judge. As for you oh precious sister we recommend the following:

1 – explain to your father the Islamic ruling on this issue and the consequences of your marriage being prevented and make sure you do that with wisdom and good manner.  

2 – If your father refuses and insisted on his rejection and there is no Islamic court in your country where you can resort to, you can seek some of the scholars and relatives to speak to him, perhaps he might soften his stance.

3 – If your father after all this still insists on his stance, we do not advise you to resort to other guardians and marry without his knowledge, except if there is a great  damage to you and you are afraid that you might miss the age of marriage or will not find a religiously committed and well mannered man or fear fitnah for yourself In this case, verify the integrity of that young man so as not to loose the relationship with your father for the sake of someone you are not sure of.

But if you feel safe from all the above dangers, it is better for you to be patient with your father’s refusal this time, perhaps, Allah willing, he would permit you at another time.
And seek guidance from Allah in all your affairs, perhaps the Almighty might inspire you the correct and right steps.

And Allah knows best Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds.

Answered by a member of the Shariah Committee:

Sheikh Abul-Mundhir As-Shinqeeti


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One Response to Is it permissible for me to marry without the permission of my father who stops me from getting married?

  1. Abu says:

    Assalamu alaykum Akhee,
    May Allah reward you abundantly,
    I have a very important question, which I would want a quick detailed response
    There is a good sister who wants to get married to a brother whose character and religion is good.
    However, the sister people are seriously against the marriage, because the brother already has a wife. They are seriously fighting against polygamy.
    The sister has tried to convince them but they have met all her effort with refusal, threats and stubborness.
    On the side of the brother, his parents may not be against it as long as the sisters parent accept. If the sister’s parent reject they would not accept the marriage because of the local belief thast marriage is between two families and they would not want to go into a marriage where the in-law is not in support

    The questions are:
    1. Is it permissible for her to go ahead with the marriage with the brother without her family’s consent and how should it be done.
    2. What is the ruling if the Brothers mother or father orders the brother not to marry her due these reasons. Must he uphold the command.
    3. What is the ruling if a father or mother asks his child to divorce his wife?
    Jazakallahu khayr. May Allah reward u abundantly
    Abu Ammar Al-Afriqi

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